We have all been there, the moment of truth. You have just delivered an impassioned, well-prepared illustration to a client. You feel confident that it couldn’t have been presented any better. Flawless and logical. Then you hear it. No matter how it’s worded – the resounding “No.”

No matter how seasoned of a sales person you are, that “No” can crush your self-esteem and put a roadblock in your sales goals.

It’s natural to feel demoralized and defeated after hearing “No.” It’s even harder to change our minds once we are convinced of an unsuccessful outcome. It is important to fight the feelings of demoralization and failure and stop the spiral of negative thoughts. You cannot allow yourself to believe you can’t succeed.

Once we are rejected, it is very easy to start a cycle of rumination. Rumination is defined as a compulsively focused attention on the symptoms of one’s distress and on its possible causes and consequences. We’ve all done it.

You start to go over the details that led to that “No.” You break down the conversation, think of and respond to different sales tactics. The what-ifs and how you should have said something different.

It is a self-inflicted deterioration to your self-esteem through negative thoughts of shortcoming and faults. You wouldn’t make a physical injury worse, so why do we do that to our own self-esteem? Studies have shown that rejection can actually make our anxiety and stress levels rise and, as a result, affect our physical and mental well-being.

First thing’s first, build up your self-esteem instead of tearing it down. Rumination is not an easy habit to break, but it does become easier the more you do it. Treat yourself with the same compassion that you would treat a true friend. Spend more time focusing on positive thoughts. Fight the urge to ruminate, studies have shown that a quick two-minute distraction is enough to stop rumination before it begins its negative decent.

That distraction needs to involve some kind of activity that fully occupies your mind and prevents your thoughts from drifting back to the problem. By changing your reaction to failure and protecting your self-esteem you can and will build emotional resilience and you will thrive.

Secondly, learn from the Social Penetration Theory. The Social Penetration Theory states that as relationships develop, communication moves from relatively shallow levels to deeper, more personal ones.

Closeness occurs through a gradual process of self-disclosure, and it then develops if the participants proceed in a gradual and orderly fashion from superficial to intimate levels of exchange as a function of both immediate and forecast outcomes.

According to this theory, there are four stages:

1. Orientation Stage: The first impression stage or “small talk” stage.
2. Exploratory Affective Stage: Communicators reveal more about themselves, such as their opinions concerning politics and sports teams, but do not reveal deep personal information. Casual friendships develop.
3. Affective Stage: Communicators begin to disclose personal and private information. Communicators feel comfortable with each other.
4. Stable Stage: Communicators share a relationship in which disclosure is open and comfortable. They can predict how the other person will react to certain types of information.

Surprisingly, most relationships don’t advance past the second stage. To really connect with your clients, you have to engage with them through self-disclosure. By revealing information about ourselves that they would not otherwise know, can help develop a positive business relationship.

Once you get past the second stage, you can predict your clients’ reactions and this can help you get past the initial “No.”

By having a strong self-esteem you can get past the feelings of being disheartened and reengage the client in the sales process. Hearing “No” is not the end of the relationship you have developed. It is simply a fork in the road. People don’t care about what  you know until they know that you care.

Let us help you get to know yourself and your clients better through proven sales strategies. Give LifePro a call today at 888-543-3776!